“You Used to Be Fun…” - A Different Perspective
Hello, and welcome.
This week, I came across a post where a young mom shared a painful comment her husband made: “You used to be fun.” She admitted his words broke her, because they felt true. She went on to describe the heavy “mental load” of motherhood: packing lunches, remembering sunscreen, and taking a child to the bathroom, all while her husband “got to be the fun guy” with the kids.
My heart had compassion for her, but I also felt something important was missing from the conversation.
Here's the thing:
Victim mindset? Painful.
Scorekeeping? Painful.
Having a manual for your husband? Painful.
Believing joy depends on circumstances? Painful.
The mental load of motherhood may feel real, but focusing on it actually magnifies it. The deeper need underneath isn’t for our husband to change, but for us to feel seen, valued, and appreciated.
And here’s the empowering truth: appreciation begins inside. No one else can make you feel appreciated if you don’t believe it yourself.
When I pause and celebrate my own capacity—the cooler packed, the sunscreen remembered, the kids cared for—I realize how much I've grown. My ability has expanded. I am stronger than I think.
And when I shift to gratitude, I notice gifts:
A husband who plays with the kids instead of being absent.
Children who need me (even if that means bathroom trips!).
A day at the beach that is truly priceless.
Instead of turning, “Why am I not fun anymore?” into a battleground, ask:
“How do I want to show up on family day?”
“What memory do I want my husband and kids to have of me?”
When we indulge in “woe is me,” we hand away our power. But when we celebrate our wins and our blessings, we reclaim it, and we make space for joy.
