The Tale of Two Wives
A Tale of Two Wives
Let’s start with Wife #1.
She has a manual—a mental list of rules for how her husband should act to meet her expectations. Her manual says:
A good husband should take out the garbage without being asked.
One evening, Wife #1 notices the garbage is overflowing, but her husband is sitting on the couch scrolling his phone. Frustration bubbles up as she thinks, “How can he just sit there when it’s so obvious the garbage needs to go out?!” Her blood boils, and resentment takes root.
Now meet Wife #2.
She’s decided to let go of her manual—releasing her expectations for how her husband should behave. She walks into the same scene: her husband scrolling his phone while the garbage overflows. But instead of fuming, she smiles. She knows she has the power to either stew in frustration or take out the garbage herself without attaching meaning to the moment. She chooses peace, takes out the garbage, and moves on.
The Question to Ask Yourself
Which wife do you want to be?
We all have manuals—unspoken rules we believe others should follow. But here’s the truth: people don’t always act according to our expectations. And when they don’t, the only person who ends up hurt is us.
What Manuals Do to Us
When we cling to our manuals, we:
Feel disappointed, angry, and frustrated when others don’t meet our expectations.
Disconnect from the people we love by placing conditions on our happiness.
Show up less authentically because we’re consumed by judgment.
But when we drop the manual, we can:
Embrace the reality of what is instead of what we think should be.
Cultivate peace by focusing on what we can control—our own thoughts and actions.
Strengthen our relationships through acceptance and love.
This Week’s Challenge: Drop the Manual
Notice Your Manual – Pay attention to when you think, “They should do this” or “They shouldn’t do that.” Ask yourself, Is this even true?
Take Ownership – When something doesn’t go as you’d like, decide how you want to feel and act—regardless of the other person’s behavior.
Choose Peace – Let go of judgment and embrace the freedom that comes from accepting others as they are.
Let’s Work Together
Together, let's transform our marriages into thriving adventures where love and peace flourish without the weight of expectation.
If you’re ready to drop the manual and find peace in your marriage, I’m here to help. It’s not easy to rewrite these stories we tell ourselves, but the reward is a deeper, more connected relationship with your spouse—and with yourself.
Letting go isn't about giving up; it's about embracing what is, and crafting a marriage that thrives on unconditional love.
Here’s to more love, acceptance, and freedom in your marriage,
Coach Leslie
