Step Into the Marriage You Desire

I want to take a moment to welcome you back and thank you for being here. The fact that you’re here, reading this, and actively working on your relationship is something to be proud of. Creating a fulfilling marriage doesn’t happen by accident—it takes intention, consistency, and a willingness to grow. So take a deep breath, give yourself some credit, and celebrate all the wins (big or small) you’ve had this week in your marriage. This work matters.

I personally love self-improvement. Whether it’s my spirituality, my health, my marriage, my parenting, or even time management, I’m always looking for ways to improve—even just by 1%. And as I study and experiment with different approaches, I’ve noticed something. There are always steps, frameworks, and strategies—“Do these five things in this order, and you’ll succeed!”—but something even more important keeps showing up across all areas of life.

I was reminded of this as I listened to my mentor, Amber Smith, recently. She shared a concept that resonated with me, and I believe it’s a game-changer for marriage (and really, for any area of growth).

Let’s use the analogy of swimming. You can read about swimming, watch videos, analyze techniques but until you get in the water, you will never actually know how to swim.

The same is true for marriage. You can read books, listen to podcasts, learn communication techniques, and even give advice to others—but if you’re not actively stepping into the marriage you want to create, you won’t experience the transformation you’re looking for. It’s not just about going through the motions or checking off a list of “right” things to do. It’s about becoming the person who has the marriage you desire.

That means you have to see your marriage the way you want it to be, not just how it currently is. You have to visualize your relationship as full of love, connection, and partnership. You have to focus your mind on what is good, on what you want, and on how you are moving toward it.

Your thoughts and emotions create your reality. If you focus on what’s lacking, you’ll see more lack. If you focus on what’s working, you’ll create more of it. You have to train your mind to think the thoughts that generate the feelings you want—abundance, love, joy, connection—even before those things fully manifest in your marriage.

So here’s my challenge for you this week:

1. Visualize something better. Picture the marriage you desire. What does it look like? How do you feel in it?

2. Create thoughts that align with those feelings. Instead of thinking, “I wish my husband were more thoughtful,” try, “I love how thoughtful my husband is.” Even if it’s just a small moment—find evidence of it.

3. Look for everything that is already wonderful. Scan your marriage and your home for the good, no matter how small. Gratitude multiplies blessings.

4. Show up as the version of yourself that already has that marriage. How would you act if your marriage was already thriving? Would you be kinder, more engaged, more loving? Step into that energy now and watch what happens.

You are powerful. You can create change—not by wishing or waiting, but by stepping into it right now.

I believe in you. You’ve got this.

Have a great week, and don’t forget to join me for Free Coaching Monday! If this message resonated with you, please share it with someone who could use the encouragement.