Don’t Play Tricks, Be the Treat in Your Marriage

This week brings costumes, trick-or-treating, and maybe a few surprises, but it also offers a wonderful reminder of how we approach our marriages.

This Week’s Insight: Don’t Play Games in Your Marriage—Be the Treat

Halloween is all about fun games and playful “tricks.” But in our marriages, it’s essential to avoid the kinds of “games” that can cause hurt or mistrust. Whether it’s withholding emotionally or physically to “teach a lesson” or using love as leverage, playing games with each other can lead to distance and hurt. Marriage is meant to be a safe place—a “treat,” not a “trick.”

Instead, let’s focus on creating a relationship where our spouse feels secure, loved, and valued. As one of my favorite quotes says:

“Love him in such a way

that even on his roughest day,

his soul stills and his lips twist

into the smallest of grins

at the mere thought of coming home

to find his sanctuary in you.”

Imagine being that kind of sanctuary for each other, a place where your spouse knows they’ll find love, understanding, and peace—especially on their hardest days.

Real-Life Reflection: Building a Safe Space in Your Marriage

I recently heard the powerful phrase: “A man’s biggest fear is that his weakness will be weaponized against him.” When our spouse trusts us with their fears, dreams, and vulnerabilities, it’s a gift that we should cherish. It’s up to us to decide whether we’ll honor that trust or turn it against them. By choosing to be each other’s “safe place,” we create an environment of mutual respect, support, and warmth. This Halloween, let’s remind ourselves that we have the choice to be the treat in our spouse’s life, bringing them comfort and joy.

Marriage Connection Challenge: Three Simple Halloween “Trick-to-Treat” Swaps

This Halloween, let’s keep it simple and sweet. Here are three quick “tricks” to swap for “treats” to bring a little more love and connection to your marriage:

• Swap Silence for Listening – Instead of shutting down, try listening to understand. A few words of empathy can turn silence into a moment of connection.

• Swap Criticism for a Compliment – Trade a critical comment for a kind compliment. Even the smallest positive words can sweeten your relationship.

• Swap “I’m too busy” for Being Present – Put down the phone or pause the to-do list. Share a few uninterrupted minutes with your spouse—it’s the best treat of all.